Moving On

*Sorry I’ve been so absent. Finals are looming and I’ve just been in sort of a haze this week! And last week for that matter. Hang with me and I promise I’ll get back to normal soon.*

In a week and two days I’ll leave Kilgore College for good. I’m not sure how I really feel about this. The last time I graduated I couldn’t WAIT to leave that place. I was busting at the seams ready to start a new chapter in my life and to meet new people. KC did that for me. I learned more in two years than I did in four at Sabine, my high school. I grew. I made newer, better friends. I loved school. I developed and discovered new passions. I got married. I moved.

I. Love. Music. And I don’t mean that like “I love music!”-which translates into “I listen to the radio a LOT and I buy CDs ALL the time.” I mean, I know theory. I can read music. I can play piano. My voice has gotten stronger and bigger and better. The music program is designed to saturate you in every aspect of music: Theory, ear training, piano, choir, small ensembles, voice lessons, theory keyboard, music literature, opera.

Coming from the high school I did and the music program there, I didn’t know a lick of music. And I mean that. How I got through those seven years in the same choir with the same director I honestly don’t know. I didn’t learn. I didn’t grow. I didn’t develop. But I still knew I needed music. It’s the only thing that’s EVER made me happy. It satisfies me. Before I even knew what it really was, I knew I wanted to do it. It’s unexplainable, but anyone who’s a musician knows how I feel.

But in a week I’ll be gently tossed out of the nest I’ve become accustomed to over the last two years. The same four teachers who have nurtured me and taught me things I wanted and needed to learn will fade away. I’ll have new teachers. A new environment. Do I want that now?

My friend, Kait, who is finishing up her freshman year at KC, is heading to UT Tyler in the fall, too. She, however, is ready for a change. A new environment. New people.

Me? I’ve had so many big life changes in the past six months I’m not sure if I want another. It seems like I’ve just developed new routines and a new life here in Laneville, and to develop one 50 minutes away, too? It feels like too much. Sometimes, on my way home from school, I get a tiny bit excited about going to UT with so many of my friends, but 90% of the rest of my time I still feel… empty, uncertain, unsure, blank on my decision to attend UT. No matter how many people testify to how awesome it is.

So, as yet another big life change is on my horizon, remember me in your prayers, if you could.

On another note, since Jason is such a basketball fanatic, most of our nights are full of playoff games. Clearly I’m going for the Mavs because Dirk is so cute. So is JJ Barea. UH. DORABLE.

My Life is Good

Yes, I’m back from my leave of absence for now! And life is good. I’ll take what I can get.

Since I’ve been gone I took a trip to Tulsa with the college choir. It was… rough. We were all ready to come home. I’ll share pictures of the awesome zoo we went to though, later!

While I was gone, Jason bought drywall for the living room. A while back we tried to paint the uuugglyyyy wood paneling that covered our walls but it was so old it started bubbling and peeling back so we (read: Jason) took a chance and ripped it down. I was pleasantly surprised to find recycled wood underneath! There were all different colors and textures. Sadly, in some places water had taken its toll and it was rotting. In addition there was a layer of a cheesecloth type fabric nailed EVERYWHERE underneath the paneling. We tried as hard as we could to get the leftover strings off the wall to no avail. SO! While I was gone Jason drywalled 3/4 of the living room. IT. LOOKS. AWESOME. It’s actually turning into a room now!

We have a really neat mantel and wooden trim everywhere. We’re going to paint it white and eventually paint the walls a light gray/blue. As of now we only have a futon my in-laws gave us from our wedding registry. Unfortunately, sitting on it for 30 minutes or more will make your bum/legs numb. We plan on using our tax refund for a flippin’ awesome couch and a dishwasher because ours smells like burnt rubber when we run it. Yikes!

just a little picture for you to oogle at. 🙂

In a matter of weeks I graduate with an Associate of Arts degree. (Vocal performance.) THANKFULLY, so many of my friends are going to UT Tyler in the fall, too! (SHOUTOUT! Randa, Preston, Kait, and Austin!!!) I’m so excited for a break from all of this madness. I seem to be so absent-minded lately. I have a concert next Thursday and a huge Theory project due that same day. Wheeeew.

If you don’t already know, we live in a house owned by the school where Jason works. We don’t pay rent, by the grace of God. But with that awesomeness comes a little suck-ness. i.e.: Since the spring has arrived, our big yard has grown. A lot. We don’t own a mower. Before we got married the maintenance staff mowed it with their tractor because the bus barn/maintenance place is literally in our backyard. However, apparently some of the school board members complained/mentioned to the superintendent that our yard was atrocious and that we needed to mow it. YESTERDAY. Again. We don’t own a mower.

At work today, the super called Jason into his office and basically scolded him and told him the yard needed to be mowed today. This upset me for a number of reasons. 1) They don’t care about the house. They’d abandon it if something terrible happen and we’d have no place to live. 2) Since we don’t pay rent they can basically tell us when to jump and we have to. 3) They were upset because it “makes the school look bad”. Our yard… makes the school look bad…?

So guess who just spent 4 hours mowing the yard? Poor hubby. He begged me to do some indoor work, so being the awesome wife I am, I swept the whole house (work. out!) washed all the dishes, and cleaned up most of the living room mess from the dry wall. There’s still a lot of laundry to be done, but at least there’s not dust everywhere now.

Oh, and who is sick of all these junebugs!? Good thing for Toonces. There are dead ones everywhere.

Until tomorrow…

Countdown to Change

Of course you know, this is my first blog in a long time. It’s been purposeful and accidental. Purposeful because I’ve had nothing to blog about. Nothing that was necessary to post, anyway. Accidental because I’m 8 days away from becoming Mrs. Rich. But, I figured, it was about time.

Two years ago if you’d have told me I’d be getting married, I’m not sure I’d have believed you. My life looked a lot different. I was in a horrible relationship with someone who didn’t know me, didn’t respect me, and didn’t love me for me. When I saw Jason across the church visiting, something in my heart told me he was the one I would marry. I’d never met him, never seen him. I had no idea who he was. It wasn’t until several months later that I’d meet Jason Dale Rich at Brother Bruce’s “Round Table” bible study. Shamelessly, I’d hope and hope he’d show up every Monday at 8 to the bible study. When he didn’t, my heart sank a little. Every time I heard that screen door creak open my heart leapt with joy. Three or four months after I smartened up and split that relationship I mentioned earlier, Jason innocently asked me to go with him to a concert his brother was performing in. I was heartbroken when I realized I couldn’t go. I thought he’d never ask me to anything again! But when he politely understood, I was ecstatic. A few weeks later he asked me out for burgers and a movie. That night he kissed me. The next day when I told my parents I knew I was going to marry him, they couldn’t hide their sheepish grins. They knew, and I knew. And I was happy. I later found out that Jason knew that night too.

Fast-forward through movies, dinners, family outings, shopping trips, and Dallas rendezvous. On October 3, 2009 Jason had gathered all of our families and got down on one knee and handed me the most gorgeous ring I’ve ever seen and asked me to marry him. And more than a year later, here we are. Eight days away from changing our lives. From becoming one flesh for the rest of our lives.

Wednesday night we had mandatory pre-marital counseling with our family minister and financial minister. They were encouraged by our love for each other and we were encouraged by their wisdom and their willingness to pour it into our blossoming lives.

God created marriage. Man did not invent this. It’s a covenant before God. Too often humans make the mistake of twisting and making marriage what they want it. The divorce rate is high. (When is it not?) When things get hard, sometimes people give up. And to be honest, Jason and I are scared and intimidated. But we’re also excited as heck to start this new and EXCITING chapter in our lives! I become his and he becomes mine. Forever.

God uses marriage as is crucible. He burns out the impurities in the one by making them one. In our dating life, Jason and I have already experienced this. We’ve learned how to argue and fight. For the first time, for both of us, we can argue with our partner and come out better for it. We learn how to communicate better by learning what to do and not to do in a fight. We believe that’s God working in our relationship to better our lives and make us holier by glorifying God.

These next 8 days will be anxiety filled, task oriented, and full of love basking. If we could ask all of you to be praying for us. Pray for our day to run smoothly, for God’s will to be accomplished on that day, and in our new life together. Pray for safe travels for family and for us on our honeymoon to Colorado. Pray.

Thank you, and we love all of you!

Melody (and Jason).

Friends

When I was younger I NEVER thought of myself as pretty or popular or as having anything to offer anyone else. I was “friends” with the “popular” kids and “friends” with everyone else. I never was-and never will be-the girl who all the guys fawn over or all the girls want to go shopping with. I’m the girl who watches Flight of the Conchords and The Golden Girls and whose idea of a good time is cleaning house and cooking dinner and being in a quiet house on my laptop. But, when we moved a couple of neighborhoods over my 3rd grade year I met my best friend. We were virtually inseparable. Like sisters, if you will. Later, we became best friends with two other wonderful girls and our two-some became a four-some. We were close all the way through our freshman year in high school. I loved those girls. Though I had two sisters, I replaced my sisters with those girls. But, as some relationships do, those friendships faded out. Fortunately, God showed me some new friends. These friends had the same humor, liked the same foods, and got my jokes. They developed more of who I am today. But the relationships themselves were shallow. Don’t get me wrong, I had some good times with those people and I consider them friends of mine, but there was no spiritual support for me. No deeper connection other than our similar humors and that we liked some of the same things. But yet again, those too, faded out.

I don’t regret any of those friendships because God used the friendship famines to bring my sister and me closer together. I realized that the friend I had been searching for had been my flesh and blood all along. A couple of years later, Jason came, and every day since then I am more baffled by just how well he knows me and just how much we are alike. Sometimes we can’t stand it but mostly, we just smile a knowing smile and squeeze each other tightly.

I haven’t felt that longing for friendship in a long time, but when Jason and I were at dinner the other night, there were 3 young couples out on a date together laughing and talking about life together and I couldn’t help that painful longing for another couple to appear across the table from us. I love my time alone with Jason but we’re both pretty much loners when it comes to friends. We have friends, but not friends.

I’ve started a book called “Before I Fall” (not a Christian book by any means. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.) about four girlfriends going through their senior year of high school. I’m barely into the book and can’t help but wonder what my high school years would look like had I closer friends like that going through the things I went through. Would I be a different person? How would my life have developed? No doubt God didn’t screw up by not giving me close friends in high school. He had a plan to draw me nearer my family and to stumble upon Jason at a bible study.

I can’t describe that feeling I felt in the restaurant that night. I wanted so badly to have another couple who was just like us. People who were embarrassingly goofy and awkward and who didn’t have enough sense to quit acting like idiots long enough to look at the menu. We joke with each other and our families about how we don’t have any friends but deep down I know it’s true for me. When I think about our wedding showers parts of me think about all the fun we’ll have but the other part of me thinks, “who’s going to come?” That probably sounds superficial and shallow but it’s what I think. I honestly wish I had more friends than I do, but maybe God is preparing me for something. Maybe being out in Cowtown, TX will be quieter than I think it’s going to be.

I guess there’s no real point to this post except that I miss something I’ve never really had. Do you have a best friend who supports you spiritually, emotionally, or comically?

Best,
Melody

Am I in love?

Evening, y’all. Something has become pretty burdensome on my heart lately, and I’d just like to share!

Lately I’ve come to realize just how much I am in love with Jason. I love every single thing about him. I love the way he just knows me without me having to explain myself or what I’m trying to say. I love the way he smells and how he looks every time I see him. I love his car, his home (and how that will be OUR home). I love his heart. I love his love for me and how it penetrates me. I love how he is so dramatically perfect for me in every way. I love how instead of losing a bachelor pad, he is gaining a wife. I love how he is JUST as excited to marry me as I am him. I love how he is just as emotional as me and how tender his sweet heart is. I could go on forever!

Several family reunions ago, my parents were being their usual lovey-dovey mushy selves. One of our family members came over as I was gawking and doing the usual pre-love scoffing and said, “That is true love.” That’s always stuck with me. Since that moment, and subliminally moments before then, I’ve wanted what my parents have: true love. They have that kind of love that’s not portrayed in movies and isn’t real popular. The kind of love that lasts for years after the honeymoon. The kind of love that makes people wonder why they aren’t that happy. I never knew what that felt like until I laid my eyes on Jason for the very first time. Since our very first date I have never had a heart so full of love to give someone on this earth. And it’s gotten me thinking…

Do I love God that much?

I’m so in love with Jason. I’ve fallen head over heels for him and am willing to do whatever it takes to keep our marriage intact. But lately I’ve been convicted. Am I in love with God?

Am I willing to do whatever it takes to keep my relationship with Him intact? Am I willing to sacrifice time for myself to spend it with Him? Do I long to see His face every hour of the day? Do I pine for his attention and give things of value to Him?

I had to answer that question with a big, fat no. Comparing this meager earthly love with Jason to the my personal relationship with Christ is kind of embarrassing. I honestly put so much worth, work, and time into my upcoming marriage that I sort of put Jesus on my back burner. Ouch.

I imagine myself as this sweet, loving, Christ-like wife in our beautiful Laneville home. But, honestly, how can I become that woman if I resist in forming her now?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE Jesus! I honestly do! Yeah, it’s a different kind of love that my love for Jason. What I’m really trying to say is, do I love Him as much as I love Jason? And that is another no. It’s a hard truth I’ve come to realize. And it pains me to say it! It’s embarrassing for me as a wife, woman, and Christian. But I know I cannot be the only one battling this issue.

Christ literally gives me each breath I take and every thought I think. How can I not love Him so much? It’s something I will be praying about and asking Him to allow my heart to love Him as much as I see myself loving Jason. It’s tough. And I may never reach it. But it’s something God has laid on my heart and I felt compelled to share. 🙂

Goodnight!

Engagement Session

Everyone go to http://angeladuncanphotography.blogspot.com now. 😀

I cannot express to you how incredibly excited I was to FINALLY do our engagement photo sesh with Angela on Monday. Jason went to college with her for a while so they’ve been friends and he introduced me to her photography and I instantly fell in love. I fell even more in love when I met her! Her personality and the way she deals with her clients is like she’s old friends with them. She is incredibly sweet, funny, helpful and all of the other good adjectives. 🙂

Needless to say, I was ecstatic to see she had blogged our session today!! I was smiling so big when I was reading her blog just now.

Throughout this wedding planning process, I’ve come to a lot of ‘brick walls.’ I’ll think I’ve found something/someone I’d want to use for our wedding and nothing ever would really work out. Then the perfect thing will fall right into my lap. God is funny like that. He never moves in the way you expect Him too. And that’s just what I love about Him. 🙂

Here are some pics I snagged from Angela’s blog… 🙂