Motionless

- Melody

Ever feel like you’re moving a mile a minute but you’re not getting anywhere?

Since summer started I’ve had tons of free time and I’ve filled it with cleaning, exercising, laundry, Jason, road trips, wedding planning, and the couch. I’ve done a lot of moving during this time but I haven’t moved. Jason often makes the comment that if I don’t have something to look at, do, or think about I’ll just go to sleep. And that’s the truth. Every time we go on a date I’m awake as ever but as soon as you put me in that car and drive me home I lie my head against the seat and go to sleep.

I see things differently now. Becoming a wife has made me see this house as my house. I want to keep it clean, do my laundry, and take care of it. I never really take a moment for myself. If I know something has to be done it nags at me and itches until I get up and do it. Right now I have about 20 or more things on my to-do list. Some looming in the near future, others farther off. But none of them matter past November 20. It breaks my heart to see nothing eternal on that to-do list. No quiet time is scheduled, no verses I wanna read.

In this moment, I long so much to be married. It’s been a long nine months and we’ve still got five and a half to go. I want quiet. I want alone time and to be in that country rock house with cows and a bus barn in the backyard. But I can’t speed up time. I need to soak up THIS moment and revel in these months when I’m still apart of my family. It’s difficult, to say the least. But these aren’t bad times. There the good times. (that sounded cheesy, didn’t it?)

So, in my effort to produce a blog out of nothing, I think I did alright. Hopefully next time I’ll have something more profound. 🙂

Family

- Melody 1 Comment

Being a visitor in the hospital can feel like you’re isolated from the whole world. Like the entire outside world has ceased to move forward and is stuck in time. In most of the waiting rooms there are no windows save a TV that lets you into the media world. You may not see the sunlight for several hours at a time and may find your body tense and uncomfortable in the vinyl chairs. No matter how many things you bring to do nothing will make you feel more relaxed and comfortable than close family.

I’ve been extremely blessed with a big, Christian family who supports one another no matter what is going on. If my fairly new fiance were to have an accident and find himself in the hospital for hours or even days, you can bet my boisterous family would be there, snacks and all, to support him in his recovery.

My pawpaw is a quiet man, to say the least. Mimi runs ship around here. That’s not a bad thing! She’s a strong, independent woman who knows what to do and when to do it. The thing about pawpaw is, he knows her. He loves her. That makes us love him despite his non-blood relation. He knows his grandchildren and loves us. My pawpaw takes the smallest kids and lets them climb on his legs and do flips. He sits with them and watches old western movies. He does puzzles and plays cards. He collects Marlboro packages from the side of the road and wins prizes to give to us. (Disclaimer: He doesn’t smoke.) My pawpaw is a beautiful man. My grandparents’ strong relationship made me think they were invincible. They’ve never been admitted to the hospital. They’re healthy as horses and work in the yard, on their house and run a full time (THRIVING!) RV park. They love family. We have dinner all together at least once a month. Cousins are best friends and we don’t have to have reunions because we’re with each other all the time. We’re growing up and moving away but nothing will ever separate that bond of family. Though some live in Tennessee, Houston or Dallas, I feel as though we all live under the same roof. No matter where we are, we’re family. And we love each other. No cold, sterile hospital could make us feel otherwise.

Empty

- Melody

(Yes, I’m still awake. Yikes!)

Ever had a revelation watching TLC? (A Baby Story doesn’t count!) What about Miami Ink? Yeah… that’s what I thought!

When one of my cop shows ended Miami Ink came on. I just kind of got stuck watching it. 😛 Anyway, one of the tattoo artists was explaining his “life philosophy”. Wanna guess what it was? The Golden Rule.. In that moment, I realized just how empty that life must be. Where’s the joy? Where’s the true love from a Heavenly Father? Where’s the fulfilled void? Where’s the mercy and healing and overwhelming forgiveness in a life like that? I saw a tiny glimpse of what that life must be like. You live the best you can-to your knowledge- you get married maybe, pop out a couple kids, then you die.

What do you live for when you have nothing to live for?

My heart breaks for those people! Those wandering souls searching for something to latch onto.. Where do they find comfort? I can’t imagine not having anyone to turn to after I’ve exhausted all of my earthly resources.

Maybe it’s because I was saved at an early age or was blessed to be raised in a Christian home. It’s hard for me to grasp that life. Really makes me think twice when I have an opportunity to minister to someone…

PSA

- Melody

About a week ago our grandfather (pawpaw) had a heart attack. He had chest pain and numbness in his arm so our grandmother (mimi) took him to the hospital. They did a stress test. He failed. They knew there was some blockage but didn’t know how much. So, Thursday they scheduled a procedure to enter stints into his heart arteries. Worst case scenario they would have to do bypass surgery.

A wad of family members were waiting in the waiting room. When a very handsome surgeon walked in, he said, “Well, we’re all finished.” Swinging out a child’s chair he continued, “Bad news is, he’s going to need bypass surgery.” We all heaved a sigh. Mimi leaned back in her chair while her eyes closed and her hand flew up. He explained that he had tow arteries that were 90% blocked and another that was about 60% blocked off. What we all find strange is that he didn’t have any symptoms. No cholesterol issues, no blood pressure problems. The surgeon also said that if he had had a heart attack in another chamber of his heart, he wouldn’t have survived.

So, tell me. Did my God protect my grandfather from sudden death by allowing him the smallest of heart attacks? Did my God allow the skilled surgeons to safely find those blocked arteries? Did my God give my grandfather the strength to walk circles around all the nurses a few hours after that procedure? YES.

Now, unfortunately, my pawpaw is having quadruple bypass surgery at 7AM tomorrow morning. Will our God allow my sweet pawpaw to safely make it through this surgery? We’re praying and believing so.

So here’s my Public Service Announcement. No matter how healthy you think you are, you should always be sure to get checked for heart health. 🙂

PS. Please be praying for safety and a peace to be lain on our family tomorrow morning and for a swift recovery! If you know my pawpaw, he’s ready to get moving. (Having to lie down for 4 hours at a time is not him!)

Thanks, y’all 🙂

mel

Am I in love?

- Melody

Evening, y’all. Something has become pretty burdensome on my heart lately, and I’d just like to share!

Lately I’ve come to realize just how much I am in love with Jason. I love every single thing about him. I love the way he just knows me without me having to explain myself or what I’m trying to say. I love the way he smells and how he looks every time I see him. I love his car, his home (and how that will be OUR home). I love his heart. I love his love for me and how it penetrates me. I love how he is so dramatically perfect for me in every way. I love how instead of losing a bachelor pad, he is gaining a wife. I love how he is JUST as excited to marry me as I am him. I love how he is just as emotional as me and how tender his sweet heart is. I could go on forever!

Several family reunions ago, my parents were being their usual lovey-dovey mushy selves. One of our family members came over as I was gawking and doing the usual pre-love scoffing and said, “That is true love.” That’s always stuck with me. Since that moment, and subliminally moments before then, I’ve wanted what my parents have: true love. They have that kind of love that’s not portrayed in movies and isn’t real popular. The kind of love that lasts for years after the honeymoon. The kind of love that makes people wonder why they aren’t that happy. I never knew what that felt like until I laid my eyes on Jason for the very first time. Since our very first date I have never had a heart so full of love to give someone on this earth. And it’s gotten me thinking…

Do I love God that much?

I’m so in love with Jason. I’ve fallen head over heels for him and am willing to do whatever it takes to keep our marriage intact. But lately I’ve been convicted. Am I in love with God?

Am I willing to do whatever it takes to keep my relationship with Him intact? Am I willing to sacrifice time for myself to spend it with Him? Do I long to see His face every hour of the day? Do I pine for his attention and give things of value to Him?

I had to answer that question with a big, fat no. Comparing this meager earthly love with Jason to the my personal relationship with Christ is kind of embarrassing. I honestly put so much worth, work, and time into my upcoming marriage that I sort of put Jesus on my back burner. Ouch.

I imagine myself as this sweet, loving, Christ-like wife in our beautiful Laneville home. But, honestly, how can I become that woman if I resist in forming her now?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE Jesus! I honestly do! Yeah, it’s a different kind of love that my love for Jason. What I’m really trying to say is, do I love Him as much as I love Jason? And that is another no. It’s a hard truth I’ve come to realize. And it pains me to say it! It’s embarrassing for me as a wife, woman, and Christian. But I know I cannot be the only one battling this issue.

Christ literally gives me each breath I take and every thought I think. How can I not love Him so much? It’s something I will be praying about and asking Him to allow my heart to love Him as much as I see myself loving Jason. It’s tough. And I may never reach it. But it’s something God has laid on my heart and I felt compelled to share. 🙂

Goodnight!

Vote.

- Melody

Good afternoon all!

In my quest for the perfect dress I think I’ve narrowed it down to two. Yes. Two.

I only want one dress, so you see my dilemma. Here is where you come in! I’ll post pictures of the dresses and then, if you like, leave a comment voting on the blog, facebook, or my twitter. 🙂

Dress No. 1:

Dress No. 2:

Thanks guys! 🙂
Mell