SPARKS

Where to begin?

I’ve been absent from this blog for over three months, and, like I always say, it was not on purpose. I miss the dumb ol’ blog. How have you guys been? Any neat things happen? SOUNDS GREAT.

So I guess I’ll start here:

In August I became the loneliest I’ve ever been.

During the months of September and October I was seeing someone. (You’re all like, whaaaat!) Before September I had been the loneliest I have ever been in my entire life. It was familiar and easy to emotionally be alone and throw myself into things and events to occupy my time instead of dealing with the loneliness. It goes much deeper than that. I don’t remember many significant periods of time in my life that I’ve been single. Granted, I got married at 20 so I had only been “dating” for about six years. And two of those were with my husband. So when I got divorced it was a bigger adjustment than I initially realized. So in August I let myself slip down into it. I prayed for God to send me someone or send me friends–to intervene. And He did. I met someone I really liked and fell hard for. Over the next few weeks I would put into practice all the things I swore I’d do the next time I dated someone. Breaking old habits and all that.

I spent a lot of time in Dallas (which further confirmed my love for that city, btw) and got to know the person I was seeing, and also myself. The loneliness dissipated and despite being with him I felt independent. I grew more as a person very quickly.

But it ended, obviously, and I learned even more about myself. During the last week of the relationship I felt myself detach expecting the end and began to let go, though my incessant optimism and inability to let things go thought things would continue. When it finally (really) ended I spent a lot of time snuggling with my mom and feeling myself start to slip down again. The first week I questioned God. I couldn’t understand why I would even meet this person if they weren’t going to stay in my life longer than two months. What was the point of all of those tiny little situations leading up to meeting him if things weren’t going to last? What was the point of driving back and forth to Dallas? What was the point? What. Was. The. Point?

Another week went by and I realized the point: I now know exactly what I want. (And I have no idea who the guy is that wrote that blog post but it made me cry, so.) I recognized those patterns in myself that need to be left behind and never practiced again. I recognized the loneliness that so easily creeps back up and I’ve figured out how to stop it. I know even more of who I am though I thought I already did.

I’ve also realized that I’m not ready yet. I’m not ready to be married. I’m closer than I was three months ago but I know I still have some learning to do. It excites and also terrifies me because learning means there are things inside me I haven’t discovered yet that need to be dealt with. But I know the how the victory feels, and that makes me ready.

So right now I’m sitting on the couch, in an empty house, with a bottle of wine. (Totally NOT drinking from the bottle.) Alone. And I am completely and utterly content.

Getting To Know You: Rudy

08.13.1410.4.19 - Melody 1 Comment

I had always wanted a brother growing up. I had a sister so it just seemed right to complete the gender collection with a brother. I remember telling my parents this all the time and one day mom told me to go pray for one. A few days later they both told us we were gonna have another baby. From the first ultrasound we nicknamed it Bean Boy. When we found out it was a girl I remember feeling disappointed. I remember exactly where I was sitting in the room and the moment the nurse said it was a girl, and trying to seem happy but really feeling let down. I quickly got over it and have never ever regretted having another baby sister.

On March 15, 1999 we were all in the waiting room outside my mom’s hospital room. I remember Rudy’s first cry and being so excited. The first time I saw her and held her was the first time I had probably held any baby. Shel and I were basically twins growing up and Rudy became our baby sister. She made everybody laugh with her sass unfortunately learned from me and all my friends. She was Rudy-Tooty-Fresh-and-Fruity for years and now we taunt her with the nickname Ruby. (Try it. It’s fun.)

Probably a real awkward picture of us.

Rudy’s 15 now, but still 10 in my eyes. I look at pictures from four years ago and she seems like such a child. When did she turn into a driving teenager? It’s crazy. I let her drive us home from band practice the other night. Not surprisingly, she’s great. Natural, just like everything else.

—

If our names were a hashtag, what would it be?
#rizzytizzy

What do you remember about when we first met?
I met you when I was born, so nothing.

When is your birthday?
March 15, 1999.

How do you relax when you’re stressed?
Watch YouTube videos.

What makes a place home for you?
Stuff from the past.

What’s your biggest passion? Something that makes you really happy like what you were put on this earth to do.
Doing makeup. (She’s pretty gewd.)

What’s your favorite time of day?
Morning/afternoon.

Pet peeves?
Everything besides me.

—

And keeping with the teenager vibe she answered these questions just like a teenager. 10/10 thumbs up.

Rudy’s still sassy and headstrong, just like me. It’s kinda like watching myself grow up which is weird and totally awful at the same time. But we’ll get through it. If she doesn’t kill us with her driving. (lolol)

It’s hard to believe that in just a couple years she’ll be graduating high school and then going to college and becoming an adult. Seems like just now I’m becoming an adult. I can’t wait to see what she does with her life.

Love ya, Ruby. 🙂

Getting To Know You: Shelby

07.30.1410.4.19 - Melody 2 Comments

I first met Shelby when she was born a year and two months after me. I don’t remember anything about that encounter but I remember lots about the years since. As kids Shel and I were often mistaken for twins. We hated it growing up but basically embrace it now.

Shel and I have a lot of parallels in our personalities but there are a lot of differences. We share the biggest love you’ve ever seen for Anberlin and crush hard on all the members. God has called us both to the worship leading scene but is taking us there very differently. For example, as most of you might know, Shel is heading to Waco in just a few short weeks to attend Truett Seminary and getting her Masters of Divinity with an emphasis in Worship Leadership. (Supes fancy.) Me? No. I’m done with school. Forever. I could not be more proud of her for shooting for her dreams and being ambitious and hardworking and independent. Those traits are specific to her. Shel had no problems moving two hours away to A&M Commerce for school and living basically alone for three years, and then no problems shooting off to Waco where she knows not a single soul and living for three more years. I can’t even imagine.

Shel’s heart is dedicated to worship and everyone sees that and admires that in her. Our church is rooting for her and praying for her on her new Waco journey as she walks into the doors God is opening for her.

Humor? Fuggedaboutit. We laugh constantly. So. Many. Inside. Jokes. And so many fun mini road trips seeing each other and listening to Anberlin or worship music and laughing our butts off at something completely stupid. (That’s basically our entire family, though.) We have so much fun together and I couldn’t ask for a better sister to do life with. It’s just fun.

She’s creative and smart and takes all my outfit pictures and inspires me to be a better photog hobbyist. She’s great with kids naturally, something I am not. I admire a lot of the qualities in her that I don’t have.

—

If our names were a hashtag, what would it be?
#sisterswag

What do you remember about when we first met?
Nothing whatsoever. Probably because I had just exited the womb. (Ew.)

When is your birthday?
November 20.

How do you relax when you’re stressed?
I hate being around people when I’m stressed, so I isolate myself, pray (praying helps a lot), and probably watch a movie to take my mind off of it. Most likely Harry Potter.

What makes a place home for you?
I know it’s super cheesy, but anywhere is home to me if my family’s there. (Are they crying yet?)

What’s your biggest passion? Something that makes you really happy like what you were put on the earth to do.
I have zero doubt that I was put on this earth to worship. I love to sing, but singing doesn’t satisfy the deepest part of me, worshiping does. And I want to spend my life doing that, and helping others feel that same satisfaction that only Jesus offers.

What’s your favorite time of day?
For everyday, the evening Golden Hour wins hands down. But I also love stars, so it’s kind of a tie between the Golden Hour and any really clear night.

Pet peeves?
Complaining and negativity. I hate it.
And hearing people’s chewing sounds makes me crazy. (SHE’S ONLY SAYING THIS BECAUSE SHE HATES THE WAY I CHEW.)

—

Her favorite color is turquoise. If Shelby were a color she would be turquoise. Her cat Ike is her child. So much so that everyone of us hates him because he’s so spoiled. She’s really good at food. And by that I mean making new things that are totally delicious that takes me to fun restaurants she found on the internet. We go to concerts and make it a whole day and shop and eat and drive and have fun. Eating is the main part, though.

I haven’t fully realized that she’s leaving in a few weeks and I will miss her. SO much. But the trips visiting will be that much more fun, I just know it. And seeing what she does with the kick-butt apartment? I can’t wait.

Love you, Shel.

Getting To Know You: Mom

07.23.1410.4.19 - Melody

There’s no possible way to explain to you in one blog post who my mother is. But I’ll try.

My mom is comfort. She’s hospitable and incredibly considerate. If someone is coming over she spends several days making sure the house is spotless and presentable, enlisting us girls to help.

Cooking? Forget about it. This entire town knows about her food and her lemon squares go first at any function. She had a cake business called Crumbs and Crayons where she baked (incredible) cakes and drew invitations and prints or whatever you’d like really. She’s recently dropped the ‘Crumbs’ and just calls is Charlotte Taylor Creates. Check her out. And I’m not just saying that because I’m her daughter. Her illustrations are unique and sweet. Love. (Also check her out in the Wedded Bliss with a cooking article every issue!)

Mom is genuine. Her feelings and emotions run deep and sincere, something she’s passed on to the three of us. This makes her a servant. A cook for others, a selfless woman that’ll do anything for others. A blessing and a curse, probably.

She’s also beautiful. I see more of her in me everyday and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you, mom.

Getting To Know You: Derrick

07.9.1407.8.14 - Melody

The first memory I have of Derrick is our first week at UT Tyler together. We were upstairs in the classroom that would become our room for most of our classes over the next two years, all strangers in the building that would shape and change our lives. Kait and I were sitting in the back, cuttin’ up and making everybody laugh (classic) and once the laughter died down and about five seconds of silence had passed Derrick said, “Ha!” I remember Kait and I looking at each other at the same time and dying laughing. That set the tone for our friendship, I think.

—

If our names were a hashtag, what would it be?
#classic

What do you remember about when we first met?
You were very anti social and didn’t talk to anyone. I always thought you could sing. You were cool to hang out with. You would always come and talk to me about your problems and hated the fact that I was very blunt. You had a sense of humor. (Obviously Derrick had a very different first impression of me.)

When is your birthday?
January 4, 1990

How do you relax when you’re stressed?
IF I ever get stressed nobody will see me for a long time. But I’m really mellow. (It’s true. I’ve never seen or heard Derrick be upset or raise his voice. Ever.)

What makes a place home for you?
When I can have my own space. Where there’s peace and quiet.

What’s your biggest passion? Something that makes you really happy like what you were put on earth to do.
Make a difference in someone else’s life. (It’s funny, because when I asked this question I said, “I already know the answer to this because everyone else has said the same thing: music.” Then he had to go and surprise me.)

What’s your favorite time of day?
Uhh…night? So I can go to sleep.

Pet peeves?
Someone with bad breath. Brush your teeth.

—

How do I describe Derrick? All that know him just describe him as being Derrick. You know that friend that everyone gets and understands but can’t quite verbalize all the qualities about him? That’s Derrick: mellow, controlled, steady and cool. He’s incredibly trustworthy and loyal. Lord knows he knows more about me than he probably cares to, but we all confide in him knowing that he’s a trap and will give us blunt, but truthful, advice.

Whenever I feel down or lost Derrick is there to encourage me that I’m doing the right thing and going down the right path. Derrick hasn’t had it easy. He’s struggled to make is way through school never asking for handouts or complaining. He’s a true survivor and won’t hesitate to give God the glory. Derrick knows who’s made the way for him and who will continue to do so.

#CLASSIC

Derrick’s got talent. God-given beautiful talent of voice and piano and it just comes so naturally. It’s envy inducing, honestly. Between classes a few of us used to go to a piano practice room and have mini worship times with Derrick on the piano and all of us singing whatever songs came to mind. If Derrick didn’t know it, we played about ten seconds of it and he had it. Right? So jealous. But again, Derrick won’t hesitate to thank God for that gift and he knows how to use it to give Him praise. It’s awesome to witness.

Right now Derrick is about to finish his last semester at UT Tyler after hustling all summer taking extra classes to finish on time. Like the rest of us, he doesn’t know what he’ll do. Maybe move back home, stay around here and work a while… it’s all up in the air. I pray that Derrick and I will remain friends, and I really believe we will. I love you Derrick. Thank you for being my friend.

#SisterZooDay

07.8.1410.4.19 - Melody

Months ago I saw on the Caldwell Zoo’s Facebook page that four baby lions were born! I watched all the videos, aww’d at all the pictures, and vowed to go as soon as I could. Once the cubs were old enough they started letting them play out of their dens so us humans could watch and stare at them like freaks. Shel and I were happy to do it. It was a gorgeous day! We had lunch/dinner at Smashburger and ended the day at the ETX Meet! Check out that post for more coolness.

WARNING: cute overload.

‘MURICA.