When I was younger I NEVER thought of myself as pretty or popular or as having anything to offer anyone else. I was “friends” with the “popular” kids and “friends” with everyone else. I never was-and never will be-the girl who all the guys fawn over or all the girls want to go shopping with. I’m the girl who watches Flight of the Conchords and The Golden Girls and whose idea of a good time is cleaning house and cooking dinner and being in a quiet house on my laptop. But, when we moved a couple of neighborhoods over my 3rd grade year I met my best friend. We were virtually inseparable. Like sisters, if you will. Later, we became best friends with two other wonderful girls and our two-some became a four-some. We were close all the way through our freshman year in high school. I loved those girls. Though I had two sisters, I replaced my sisters with those girls. But, as some relationships do, those friendships faded out. Fortunately, God showed me some new friends. These friends had the same humor, liked the same foods, and got my jokes. They developed more of who I am today. But the relationships themselves were shallow. Don’t get me wrong, I had some good times with those people and I consider them friends of mine, but there was no spiritual support for me. No deeper connection other than our similar humors and that we liked some of the same things. But yet again, those too, faded out.
I don’t regret any of those friendships because God used the friendship famines to bring my sister and me closer together. I realized that the friend I had been searching for had been my flesh and blood all along. A couple of years later, Jason came, and every day since then I am more baffled by just how well he knows me and just how much we are alike. Sometimes we can’t stand it but mostly, we just smile a knowing smile and squeeze each other tightly.
I haven’t felt that longing for friendship in a long time, but when Jason and I were at dinner the other night, there were 3 young couples out on a date together laughing and talking about life together and I couldn’t help that painful longing for another couple to appear across the table from us. I love my time alone with Jason but we’re both pretty much loners when it comes to friends. We have friends, but not friends.
I’ve started a book called “Before I Fall” (not a Christian book by any means. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.) about four girlfriends going through their senior year of high school. I’m barely into the book and can’t help but wonder what my high school years would look like had I closer friends like that going through the things I went through. Would I be a different person? How would my life have developed? No doubt God didn’t screw up by not giving me close friends in high school. He had a plan to draw me nearer my family and to stumble upon Jason at a bible study.
I can’t describe that feeling I felt in the restaurant that night. I wanted so badly to have another couple who was just like us. People who were embarrassingly goofy and awkward and who didn’t have enough sense to quit acting like idiots long enough to look at the menu. We joke with each other and our families about how we don’t have any friends but deep down I know it’s true for me. When I think about our wedding showers parts of me think about all the fun we’ll have but the other part of me thinks, “who’s going to come?” That probably sounds superficial and shallow but it’s what I think. I honestly wish I had more friends than I do, but maybe God is preparing me for something. Maybe being out in Cowtown, TX will be quieter than I think it’s going to be.
I guess there’s no real point to this post except that I miss something I’ve never really had. Do you have a best friend who supports you spiritually, emotionally, or comically?
Hello dear ones. It’s been approximately two and a half weeks since I started the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels and I’ve got 13 more days to go!
Ever since I started working out consistently I’ve been so obsessed with getting fast and easy results that I scrutinize how I look constantly. I can’t let myself enjoy the actual results right now because I want the results that await in the future. I thought I gained weight this past week but in fact I lost and inch off my waist and my hips! Woo!
In bigger news, our wedding is fast approaching! 108 days. Wow. It seems SO close but so very far away. So many things happen between now and then. I go back to school, my sister moves to Commerce, I turn 20, and we have to finish doing all our DIY projects for the wedding! I’ve got a VERY full few months ahead of me. I don’t know what I’ll do with all the free time I’ll have once we’re married, but I’m sure it’ll be so very nice. 🙂
Sorry for the shallow posts lately, but I’ve been so busy!
Have a great rest of the week!
Disclaimer: This was supposed to be posted Friday night! 😛
Well, I’ve just realized that I didn’t get around to my workout today. :/ Sorry, Jillian! I’m sort of thankful because Level 2 that I started yesterday was a lot harder than I thought. I was honestly a little nervous going into it! She kicked my butt, but it’s nice. In a you’re-going-to-get-results way. Granted, Jillian Michaels is a little awkward on camera. I’m hoping it was one of her first recorded workout DVDs. Nonetheless it’s still an incredible workout and I can’t wait to see how I’m feeling and looking once these 30 days are up!
On another note, I’ve developed a hobby of cooking. I cooked for Mom’s birthday, the other night I found a recipe on Yahoo and cooked it out of nowhere for the fam, just yesterday I found a 5-minute cake recipe that actually turned out delicious! Now, instead of dreading helping in the kitchen or thinking up a meal of my own, I anticipate it! I enjoy mixing new ingredients together and tasting new cuisines. It’s exhilarating. But my all time favorite thing about cooking is cooking for other people. I can’t wait for them to taste it and I get excited for them to try what I’ve come up with. So much so, that I get aggravated when they don’t immediately come to the table when it’s ready! Mom bought me the church cookbook for Christmas. It’s chock FULL of recipes and I can’t wait to cook every last one of them for me and Jason. 😀
Okay. With the many readers I have I thought I’d get some feedback.
What would you wear over this dress if it were cold outside? Think in colors like burnt sugar, dark mustard, honey yellow, etc.
So, thanks. 😛
Well, I was unfortunate enough (or fortunate enough?) to not be able to work out on Thursday. As soon as I got home from work Mom wanted to hit my sister’s friend’s garage sale. Now, usually one garage sale wouldn’t take that long, but remember who you’re dealing with. We went to eat, hit the garage sale, and meandered around Target until they closed. Then Jason drove me home and we talked for an hour leaving me zero time to get my workout in. (Like I’d actually do it at 11:30 at night anyway!)
Needless to say, yesterday was my day seven. I had spent the morning cleaning house for Mom’s birthday and went to eat Mexican food with Jason for lunch. Immediately after getting home I commenced with the exercising. Never a good idea. ESPECIALLY after Mexican food. But I made it through! I actually think I’m to a point where I can start doing actual push-ups instead of the girly kind! That’s improvement.
I’ve been debating all day whether or not to workout today to catch myself up so I can start level 2 next Wednesday like I’d originally planned. Sadly, I think I will not. It is Saturday after all!
I hate to just blog so shortly, so I’ll say this. I will be married in 4 months and 2 days. When I checked my calendar on Thursday I almost had a heart attack. I hadn’t realized just how close it was getting. For so long it’s been 10 months, 7 months, 5 months etc. But 4 months!? It seems so soon! I’ve said this before, but I haven’t actually progressed completely into summer. I’ve been shopping for ski clothes for our honeymoon, cardigans for my ladies, warm colors for the wedding and thinking about hot soups and drinks! No wonder I’ve been so hot this summer! I actually had a dream I wore my pea coat with a cableknit sweater at the pool. I’m crazy.
But the countdown isn’t just to a wedding. It’s to MY wedding. So many things will be ending that week. It will be the last time I’ll ever be “Melody Taylor”, the last time I’ll live with my parents, the last time I’ll work at the library, the last time I’ll be a teenager, the last time I’ll be single. I’ll be attached for life. I honestly could not be more excited. Every time I look at the picture of him on one knee in front of me I tear up. I was so shocked and flabbergasted that I didn’t know what to do or how to respond with our families watching us. He was so nervous and so was I. But no matter how awkward it seemed or how nervous we both were, it doesn’t change how engaged we are. There is a ring on my finger that will never leave. There’ll always be that little indentation where a ring is supposed to sit.
So that’s why I’m working out. Right now it’s mainly because I don’t want to wear Spanx on my wedding day, but it’s also because I have a bad habit of longing to do something but never doing it then complaining because I didn’t do it. So, I’m doing it.
Have a great weekend!
A week ago today I started this:
It’s actually a really good workout. Today I’m on day six. I workout when I get home from work and feel so much better. It really kicks the library blues out of me. I’ve been trying to eat better and less. It’s a five-day a week thing so, hallelujah, I get weekends off. I’ve got 24 days left of this! I’m REALLY hoping to see some results. It says you could lose up to 20 pounds in 30 days, but I’m sure that’s pretty unrealistic.
I don’t have any hand weights, so I’ve been using this big metal coin bank statue I have. What’s REALLY nice is that since I’m doing it in my room, I can workout in whatever I want. Like jammies for example. 🙂 Also, barefoot. Yeehaw!
Just as a warning, I’ll probably be using this blog as a therapeutic complaining session about the workout. Mostly about how hard it was today, or how much I really hate Jillian Michaels. But, no results without work! Hard. Work.
Have a good day!