photo from our engagement session with Angela Duncan
I know we’re only thirteen days into 2012 but I’ve learned something pretty huge. Huge for me.
To paraphrase Passion..
We (students) are in a system that prepares us for a destination that is not yet arrived. And that won’t arrive for quite some time.
I remember my senior year of high school strung so high worrying about which college I would go to and what my major would be. What kind of career can I have in music besides teaching? How will I know whether or not I made the right college decision? How long will I be in school? Should I go to grad school? Where’s my cap and gown? What dress am I going to wear for graduation? Are we eating after?
See? So many questions. And it didn’t help that every person I encountered asked me, “So, where are you going to school?” I always answered them with a very confident, “I have no idea.”
Somehow, I ended up at Kilgore College. Best. Decision. Of. My. Life. Loved that school. Still do. God really had me in His hand. But I still didn’t know whether or not to pursue a bachelor’s degree after graduating KC. Was it worth it to me? Why should I get an education degree when that is the exact opposite of what I want to do? Why am I wasting my money again? Have I eaten today?
And the questions continued. They still do.
By the incredible grace of God he moved my heart to continue schooling at the University of Texas at Tyler. 50 minutes from my front door. Another excellent decision. I do love this school. It was a bit of change for me; new teachers, new friends, new surroundings, an actual campus, a STARBUCKS!, but most of all more money.
So far, God has provided. He has so provided for us. We have no debt to UTT. And we pray for it to stay that way through graduation.
I tell you that to tell you this.
Since starting college I’ve planned for myself to do “something big” once I finished all of my school. Only then could I start writing music or looking for a church job or figure out what God would have me do. Why? Because that’s what I felt like I was supposed to do. Isn’t that how everyone else does it? School-marriage-career? (I obviously botched that up by getting married my second year of college.)
I realized something last week. I don’t have to wait. God doesn’t wait on me. He proceeds without asking. I like it so much that way. I don’t want to rely on myself to find a job, a career, a family. I’m so grateful He knows all of that!
So my prayer has become this:
God, show me what you would have me do. I pray that when I open my mouth I speak the words you have given me! Lead me where you want me.
The future always seems so far away. What I know now is that it’s happening right now! Don’t wait anymore.