Yesterday was my first day of my sophomore year of college. I hadn’t thought about the semester approaching at all because I’d been wrapped up in wedding plans all summer and having as much Jason-time as I possibly could before our schedules both got turned upside down. Surprisingly, I didn’t have any homework last night, but as with most first days comes a barrage of paperwork, books to buy and things to turn in. Though, I was extremely thankful to have all the same teachers and the encouraging friends to come back to!
SIDE NOTE: People may bash Kilgore College and make fun of it for being like “the 13th grade”, but as a music major, nothing about my classes is easy. It’s an INCREDIBLE school. (I’m speaking for the music department, mostly, but all of my professors-save one-have been incredible supporters of me and my education thus far!) Also, it’s cheap. And I mean cheap. END SIDE NOTE.

So, I already have a lengthy to-do list going by the time I got to work. I had spent my vacant 3 hours between school and work to clean house, hit the bookstore (which was a failure), have some lunch and enjoy what little downtime I had. When I eventually arrived to work I was just feeling overwhelmed, tired, sweaty and busy like my brain had no room to think about things I had to do right then. Thoughts of money, books, wedding and home were flitting around in there like nobody’s business. When I finally made myself relax what little I could I started to do some work. Walking around I noticed this song playing in my head:

For this purpose Christ was revealed:
To destroy all the works of the Evil One.
Satan has no authority here!
Powers of darkness must flee!
For CHRIST has the victory!

Over sin He has conquered Hallelujah! He has conquered!
Over death? VICTORIOUS! Hallelujah! Victorious!
Over sickness He has triumphed! Hallelujah! He has triumphed!

Jesus reigns over all!
Jesus reigns over all!

When I finally took a second to process those words and sink my teeth into them, so many things became clear to me.

1) Christ came here to conquer to destroy Satan. That was his purpose for God revealing Him to us.

2) Satan no longer has ANY authority here! He MUST flee because Christ has the victory! (I can barely type those words without standing and shouting in this tiny coffee shop! HALLELUJAH!!!)

3) Over sin, death, and sickness our Christ has conquered. And you know what?

4) Jesus reigns over all.

For a bit, I didn’t know how this song pertained to my current situation. But when I let that go, I realized, God was telling me, look, Melody. I revealed my Son to come down and defeat Satan for you. He no longer has a hold of your precious heart and soul. You’ve surrendered unto me and I have defeated those things in your life. Sickness, death, and sin no longer have that strong hold on you. I reign over all! So let your busy-ness subside because I reign over you. You no longer have to hold on to that.

And why would I?! Why would I hold on to those things that pull me under so deeply and suffocate me in their wake when my Jesus has defeated those things FOR GOOD!?

Even now, writing this blog, more and more is being revealed to me but so much is left uncovered. Throughout this summer, I’ve let God seriously and unashamedly, fall not only to the wayside, but off to the waaaaaaaaaayside. Like not even in the same zip code. Seriously. And those consequences have been so deadly and so severe I’ve honestly wondered what was happening to my consciousness. Was I going crazy? What was happening in my head? What IS happening in my head? My habits, my train of thought, my words, my everything were drastically changed. Not by my choosing, necessarily, but because I had let the Evil One come in and use my weaknesses to his advantage. He twisted the things I thought and made things seem worse than they were. Made my normal first day of school seem like the world was coming to an end. Made my to-do list seem like a mountain of tasks I could never accomplish, when in actuality, most of the things took care of themselves in a matter of a couple of days!

Jesus, I know, had been trying to reach me through song, radio, teaching, and friendship, but I didn’t listen. For the first time in my life I thought of God as the popular jock who only hung out with those of his own kind. Only with the ones who were seemingly perfect in all of their ways. I was like the outcast in His world. I didn’t see Him as a loving, caring God. I honestly thought He wouldn’t and didn’t want anything to do with me for my actions and my outright bold rebellion and laziness. But I see, faintly, that He is calling out to me. I mean come on! He put one of the greatest songs of all time in my head (because He knows I LOVE music) to get a hold of me. (Truth be told, I’ve always felt that I connect more sincerely and honestly with God through song. Be it old hymns, current tunes, or random melodies I sing in my heart.)

He loves me, you guys. And He loves you, too.

Yet, just because I write this blog and feel God reaching me, doesn’t mean this battle is over. God loves me, yes. But do I love him? I want Him to be my everything, my go-to guy when I’m ecstatic or wallowing in the valley screaming for someone to help me. Lately, I’ve mentally and emotionally been empty of the strength to say His name in conversation or even prayer. Lying in bed at night I wonder what happened. What day did I decide consciously I’d forget about Him and live life my way? But it wasn’t just one day. It was a string of days turning into weeks turning into the last 4 months turning into today then tomorrow and the next day. I’ve got a lot of questions. I’ve got a lot of heartache and healing to do. BUT, I do know the One who can do it for me.