*Sorry I’ve been so absent. Finals are looming and I’ve just been in sort of a haze this week! And last week for that matter. Hang with me and I promise I’ll get back to normal soon.*

In a week and two days I’ll leave Kilgore College for good. I’m not sure how I really feel about this. The last time I graduated I couldn’t WAIT to leave that place. I was busting at the seams ready to start a new chapter in my life and to meet new people. KC did that for me. I learned more in two years than I did in four at Sabine, my high school. I grew. I made newer, better friends. I loved school. I developed and discovered new passions. I got married. I moved.

I. Love. Music. And I don’t mean that like “I love music!”-which translates into “I listen to the radio a LOT and I buy CDs ALL the time.” I mean, I know theory. I can read music. I can play piano. My voice has gotten stronger and bigger and better. The music program is designed to saturate you in every aspect of music: Theory, ear training, piano, choir, small ensembles, voice lessons, theory keyboard, music literature, opera.

Coming from the high school I did and the music program there, I didn’t know a lick of music. And I mean that. How I got through those seven years in the same choir with the same director I honestly don’t know. I didn’t learn. I didn’t grow. I didn’t develop. But I still knew I needed music. It’s the only thing that’s EVER made me happy. It satisfies me. Before I even knew what it really was, I knew I wanted to do it. It’s unexplainable, but anyone who’s a musician knows how I feel.

But in a week I’ll be gently tossed out of the nest I’ve become accustomed to over the last two years. The same four teachers who have nurtured me and taught me things I wanted and needed to learn will fade away. I’ll have new teachers. A new environment. Do I want that now?

My friend, Kait, who is finishing up her freshman year at KC, is heading to UT Tyler in the fall, too. She, however, is ready for a change. A new environment. New people.

Me? I’ve had so many big life changes in the past six months I’m not sure if I want another. It seems like I’ve just developed new routines and a new life here in Laneville, and to develop one 50 minutes away, too? It feels like too much. Sometimes, on my way home from school, I get a tiny bit excited about going to UT with so many of my friends, but 90% of the rest of my time I still feel… empty, uncertain, unsure, blank on my decision to attend UT. No matter how many people testify to how awesome it is.

So, as yet another big life change is on my horizon, remember me in your prayers, if you could.

On another note, since Jason is such a basketball fanatic, most of our nights are full of playoff games. Clearly I’m going for the Mavs because Dirk is so cute. So is JJ Barea. UH. DORABLE.