Well, first of all, hello. 🙂 Let me start out by explaining the reason for even creating this blog. I’ve always loved to write and create and sing. Something about these abstract things let one leak their soul out into the open for others to peek upon. I honestly wish there was some way to just take a snapshot of my heart and soul over the course of the last year. You (whoever you are) would see dramatic and insane changes in color, shape, and texture of it. I know I have.
If you read my little autobiography, you would notice that I have an extreme and raging passion to lead worship. But the raging is more from the inside; not sure how to let that out yet..? 🙂 With all of this comes a desire to write and create melodies (hehe) and chords- that I don’t necessarily know yet; I’m learning-that will eventually mutate with the crazy lyrics in my head to make a song. But right now, words aren’t coming out in lyrics; they’re coming out in paragraphs. Hence, the blog. I’m praying and hoping that with me blogging and creating the paragraphs I will someday soon come back and condense what I felt and learned into lyrics and therefore a song.
On to my crazy day. 🙂
I had forty minutes from the time I got out of class until work time at 2.00 PM. I had eaten breakfast at McDonald’s earlier that day and wasn’t all that hungry but I knew I wouldn’t have a chance to eat at work, so I just decided on Subway. As I walk in no one is in line; perfect. Two boisterous black women and a twenty-something white woman were working. I stood waiting when a man stepped in line behind me out of nowhere. He must’ve been a regular because at once everyone working recognized him. One of the black ladies exclaimed, “Oh it’s so good to see you! I love it when you come because everytime you leave I’m always in a good mood. You bring an encouraging word.” The man replied, “Well, thank you. That’s a blessing.” At this I teared up. Why? I saw true Godly love. Christian to Christian. Friendship. Fellowship. Love. This man radiated Christ and His love for others.
As I watched I felt something deep inside just tugging on me. For a long time now God has been showing me His love with others. Not necessarily His love for me but how His love connects others. But as I stood waiting for my cheese pizza to cook he turned to ME and asked, “Young lady, has God been good to you?” I was taken aback. I responded with a smile and my eyes wet, “Yes. Yes He has.” And I meant it. I walked out of the Subway crying hard, laughing and smiling all at once. I laid my head on the steering wheel of my car and just cried, thanking God for how incredibly cool He is that He grabbed me in a Subway.
It was the most undecorated Christ moment I’ve ever had. No lights, no music, no preacher, no church camp, no church. But the Almighty God holding me in a cold Subway in a town nobody’s ever heard of in Texas. It was the most REAL and INTENSE and the freest moment. And it was the first time I saw my God as He is; LOVING.
I realized later no one has EVER asked me that. Such a simple question broke me. It broke down everything I’d been holding up for the past few months. Holding it together so I would look good in front of God. But my eyes were opened unto the fact that I will never be perfect. God sees straight through those styrofoam walls I built and a simple question could penetrate like a fiery arrow.
I take for granted that even though I think my life is not going well God is STILL GOOD. To ME! I deserve NOTHING He has bestowed on me. But He gives. He loves. ME. YOU! US!! Jesus reached out to me today to let me know He knows EXACTLY where I am at ALL times and I am NEVER alone. That He loves me and He is always good to me.
“Oh how He loves us.” -david crowder band.